Further Resources

How to Give Feedback That Actually Changes Behaviour: The Brutal Truth Nobody Wants to Hear

The CEO looked at me across the boardroom table with that glazed expression I've seen a thousand times. "But Dave," she said, "I gave Sarah feedback three months ago about her presentation skills. Nothing's changed."

I wanted to laugh. Or cry. Maybe both.

After seventeen years in workplace training and organisational development, I can tell you the most expensive lie companies tell themselves: that feedback automatically creates change. It's like believing that pointing at a broken printer will magically fix it. Yet here we are, in 2025, with leaders still wondering why their "constructive criticism" sessions produce zero results.

The problem isn't your people. It's your approach.

The Sandwich Method is Rubbish (And You Know It)

Let's start with the elephant in the room. The feedback sandwich – you know, positive comment, criticism, positive comment – is the workplace equivalent of putting a band-aid on a severed artery. It's well-intentioned, poorly executed, and frankly insulting to everyone involved.

I learned this the hard way during my early consulting days in Brisbane. I'd religiously follow the sandwich approach with a manufacturing client's supervisors. "John, your safety records are excellent. However, your communication with the team needs work. But your punctuality is spot on!"

John walked away confused. His team remained frustrated. The safety incidents continued because John never understood what specific communication behaviours needed changing. The sandwich had turned essential feedback into meaningless noise.

Here's what actually works: directness with context. Not brutal honesty – that's just an excuse for poor delivery. Smart directness.

The Three-Part Formula That Actually Works

Forget everything you've learned about feedback. Here's the framework that's transformed dozens of organisations I've worked with:

Part One: The Behaviour Describe exactly what happened, when it happened, and who was affected. No interpretations, no assumptions, no mind-reading. Pure observation.

Instead of: "You're not a team player" Try: "In yesterday's planning meeting, when Tom suggested the alternate timeline, you interrupted him twice and dismissed his idea without asking questions."

Part Two: The Impact Explain the specific consequences of that behaviour. This isn't about hurt feelings – it's about business outcomes, team dynamics, and professional effectiveness.

"When team members get interrupted and dismissed, they stop contributing ideas. Tom hasn't spoken up in our last three meetings. We're losing valuable input on projects."

Part Three: The Future Request This is where most feedback falls apart. Vague requests like "be more collaborative" or "communicate better" are useless. Specific, measurable behaviours work.

"Next time someone suggests an alternative, I need you to listen completely, ask at least one clarifying question, and acknowledge their contribution before sharing your perspective."

Why Most Feedback Fails: The Timing Trap

Here's something that'll probably annoy you: immediate feedback is often terrible feedback.

I used to preach the "address it straight away" gospel. Real-time feedback, in-the-moment corrections, all that jazz. Then I watched too many managers turn minor issues into relationship disasters because they couldn't wait five minutes to think things through.

Your emotional state matters more than timing. Angry feedback, frustrated feedback, disappointed feedback – it all gets filtered through the recipient's defensiveness. They stop listening and start preparing their counter-argument.

The sweet spot? Within 24-48 hours, when you've had time to separate the behaviour from your emotional reaction to it. Emotional intelligence training becomes crucial here because self-awareness drives feedback effectiveness.

Yes, there are exceptions. Safety issues, ethical violations, and customer-facing disasters need immediate attention. But Sarah's presentation style? That conversation can wait until you're thinking clearly.

The Role of Questions in Behaviour Change

Most feedback sessions are monologues disguised as dialogue. The manager talks, the employee nods, everyone pretends change will happen. It's workplace theatre at its finest.

Real behaviour change requires active participation from the person receiving feedback. That means asking questions that make them think, not just comply.

Instead of telling someone what to do differently, try this approach:

"When you interrupted Tom yesterday, what were you hoping to achieve?" "What do you think the impact was on the team?" "How might you handle a similar situation differently next time?"

These questions aren't manipulative tricks – they're cognitive tools. When people discover the answers themselves, they're far more likely to implement changes. It's the difference between following orders and owning solutions.

I remember working with a retail chain in Melbourne where store managers were struggling with staff punctuality. Instead of lectures about professionalism, we trained managers to ask: "Help me understand what's making it difficult to arrive on time" and "What would need to change to make consistent punctuality possible for you?"

Suddenly, managers discovered shift scheduling conflicts, transport issues, and childcare challenges they'd never considered. Problems got solved instead of just complained about.

The Follow-Up Nobody Does

Here's where 87% of feedback initiatives die: the follow-up. You have the conversation, feel good about your leadership skills, then completely forget to check if anything actually changed.

Behaviour change is a process, not an event. It requires observation, reinforcement, and course correction. Most importantly, it requires you to notice and acknowledge progress.

Six weeks after giving feedback, you should be able to answer these questions:

Has the specific behaviour improved?
What evidence supports your assessment?
What obstacles are preventing change?
How has your own approach contributed to the outcomes?

If you can't answer these questions, you haven't given feedback – you've had a conversation.

When Feedback Reveals Deeper Issues

Sometimes feedback uncovers problems that go way beyond individual behaviour. Poor communication skills might reflect inadequate training. Resistance to collaboration could indicate unclear role expectations. Missed deadlines might signal unrealistic workload distribution.

The best feedback conversations often end with systemic solutions rather than individual action plans. That takes courage because it means admitting that management practices might need changing too.

I worked with a Perth-based engineering firm where project managers consistently received feedback about "poor client communication." After several failed improvement attempts, we discovered the real issue: project managers had no clear guidelines about client communication frequency, no templates for status updates, and no authority to make decisions clients were asking about.

Individual feedback became organisational change. Client communication improved dramatically once systems supported the behaviours we were requesting.

The Cultural Element Nobody Mentions

Australian workplaces have this weird relationship with directness. We pride ourselves on being straight-talking, but we're often surprisingly indirect when it comes to difficult conversations. We'll complain about someone's performance to everyone except the person who actually needs to hear it.

Managing difficult conversations becomes a core leadership skill, not just a nice-to-have. It's about creating psychological safety while maintaining performance standards.

The most effective feedback cultures I've encountered balance directness with respect. People know where they stand, but they also know their managers care about their success. It's not about being nice or mean – it's about being clear and supportive.

Making It Stick: The Implementation Reality

Here's the part where I probably contradict everything I've just said. Sometimes, despite perfect delivery and thoughtful follow-up, behaviour change simply doesn't happen. Some people aren't ready, willing, or able to make requested changes.

That's when feedback transitions from development to documentation. You've created clear expectations, provided support, and measured progress. If change isn't occurring, you need different conversations about role suitability and performance consequences.

This isn't failure – it's clarity. For both parties.

The organisations that handle feedback well accept this reality upfront. They invest in development while maintaining performance standards. They support change efforts while being realistic about outcomes.

Getting Started Tomorrow

If you want to transform your feedback effectiveness immediately, start with these three changes:

Replace vague observations with specific behaviours. Instead of "unprofessional," describe exactly what you observed.

Ask more questions than you give answers. Help people think through solutions rather than just receiving instructions.

Schedule follow-up conversations before you leave the initial meeting. Put them in your calendar. Actually show up.

The goal isn't perfect feedback – it's better outcomes. Sometimes that means uncomfortable conversations. Sometimes it means admitting your own mistakes. Always it means caring enough about people's development to invest the time and emotional energy required.

Most feedback fails because it's treated as a task to complete rather than a relationship to nurture. Change that mindset, and you'll change your results.

Because at the end of the day, feedback that doesn't create positive change isn't feedback at all. It's just talking.